Wee John
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Congress of the U.S.A.Dear Citizens,
Due to the current financial situation caused by the slowdown in the economy, we, the Congress of the U.S. , have decided to implement a scheme to put workers of 50 years of age (This means you!) and above on early retirement.
This scheme will be known as RAPE (Retire Aged People Early).
Persons selected to be RAPED can apply to Congress to be considered for the SHAFT scheme (Special Help After Forced Termination).
Persons who have been RAPED and SHAFTED will be reviewed under the SCREW program (Scheme Covering Retired-Early Workers).
A person may be RAPED once, SHAFTED twice and SCREWED as many times as we , the Congress deem appropriate.
Persons who have been RAPED could get AIDS (Additional Income for Dependants & Spouse) or HERPES (Half Earnings for Retired Personnel Early Severance).
Obviously persons who have AIDS or HERPES will not be SHAFTED or SCREWED any further by us , the Congress.
Persons who are not RAPED and are staying on will receive as much Sh!! (Special High Intensity Training) as possible. we , the Congress have always prided ourselves on the amount of Sh!! we give our citizens.
Should you feel that you do not receive enough Sh!!, please bring this to the attention of your Congressman, who has been trained to give you all the Sh!! you can handle.
Sincerely,
The Congress of the United States
P.S.
Due to recent budget cuts and the rising cost of electricity, gas and oil, as well as current market conditions, the Light at the End of the Tunnel has been turned off.
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