Scotschat - Fun & chat

Wee John · Posted: Sat Jun 27, 2009 2:23 pm Post subject: Wee Jokes.

How come when you mix water and flour together you get glue.

And then you add eggs and sugar and you get cake?

Where did the glue go?

You know darned well where it went!

That's what makes the cake stick to your butt!

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"When the authorities warn you of the dangers of having sex, there is an important lesson to be learned.

Do not have sex with the authorities."
-Matt Groening

****

"You don't appreciate a lot of stuff in school until you get older.

Little things like being spanked every day by a middle aged woman:

Stuff you pay good money for in later life."
-Emo Philips

****

After discovering her young daughter playing doctor with the neighbors boy, the angry mother grabbed the boy by the ear and dragged him to his house and confronted his mother.

"It's only natural for young boys and girls to explore their sexuality by playing doctor at their age."
the neighbor said.

"Sexuality my ass!" The mother yelled.

"He took out her appendix!"

_________________
Yir nivir to auld tae learn! Wee John.

Wee John · Posted: Mon Jun 29, 2009 6:01 pm Post subject:

"One time we were driving through a construction zone and the sign said, SPEED LIMIT 35 AHEAD.
And there were four of us in the car.
We were through there in no time." --Geechy Guy

***

Ever notice how it's a penny for your thoughts, yet you put in your two-cents?
Someone is making a penny on the deal.
--Steven Wright

_________________
Yir nivir to auld tae learn! Wee John.

Wee John · Posted: Wed Jul 01, 2009 9:11 pm Post subject:

The first day at my new health club I asked the
girl at the front desk, "I like to exercise after work.
What are your hours?"

"Our club is open 24/7," she told me excitedly,
"Monday through Saturday."

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The chef at a family-run restaurant had broken her
leg and came into our insurance office to file a
disability claim.
As I scanned the claim form, I did a double take.

Under "Reason unable to work," she wrote:
"Can't stand to cook."

*******************************************************
Q: Why did the blond take 16 friends to the movies?

A: The sign said, "Under 17 not admitted!"

Q: What do you say to a chicken before they go on stage?

A: "Break an egg!"

_________________
Yir nivir to auld tae learn! Wee John.

Wee John · Posted: Thu Jul 02, 2009 11:52 am Post subject:

Sitting through fire safety and prevention programs can make anyone nod off.

So the instructor tried to lighten the mood by going around the room asking where all the guests were from.

"Burnt Mattress, Arkansas," called out the friend sitting next to me.

"Burnt Mattress!" said the instructor, suppressing a laugh.

"I've heard some unusual town names before, but never that one.
Where's it located?"

My friend shot back, "Right above Hot Springs."

_________________
Yir nivir to auld tae learn! Wee John.

Wee John · Posted: Fri Jul 03, 2009 1:04 am Post subject:

Since he runs a pawnshop, I decided to ask a
friend of mine to appraise my grandfather's violin.
"Old fiddles aren't worth much, I'm afraid," he explained.

"What makes it a fiddle and not a violin?" I asked.

"If you're buying it from me, it's a violin.
If I'm buying it from you, it's a fiddle."

_________________
Yir nivir to auld tae learn! Wee John.

Wee John · Posted: Fri Jul 03, 2009 1:05 am Post subject:

A vacationer e-mailed a seaside hotel to ask its location.

"It's only a stone's throw away from the beach," he was told.

"But how will I recognize it?" asked the man.

The reply came back: "It's the one with all the broken windows."
_________________
Yir nivir to auld tae learn! Wee John.

torryloon73 · Posted: Fri Jul 03, 2009 6:43 am Post subject:

Very droll WeeJee.
You gimme a wee titter in the mornins.

pppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppp
Jezebel.e.e.e.el, Jezebe.e.e.e.e.el, if ever the devil was born, without a pair of horn, it was you, Jezebel it was . .